


Memory in Discrete packets

by Soul Sistah Slash (Batagur)



Category: SG:A
Genre: M/M, Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-06 04:36:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4208172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batagur/pseuds/Soul%20Sistah%20Slash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the aftermath of Duet and Laura Cadman's memories</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta'd. Ask me if I care today. I probably will two days from now, but not today. Feedback? Sure

**Discrete packets Series** Fandom: SG:A  
**Pairing** : Beckett/McKay  
**Rating** : PG to R  
**Summary** : the aftermath of Duet and Laura Cadman's memories  
[Memory in discrete packets](http://soulsistahslash.livejournal.com/30504.html)  
[The memory of smell](http://soulsistahslash.livejournal.com/30796.html)  
[The memory of touch](http://soulsistahslash.livejournal.com/31147.html)  
[The memory of taste](http://soulsistahslash.livejournal.com/31339.html)

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own them and I'm not doing this for profit.  
**Note** : Not beta'd. Ask me if I care today. I probably will two days from now, but not today. Feedback? Sure

 **Memory in discrete packets** Rodney McKay shifted in his seat. Dr. Kate Heightmeyer knew that it wasn't an nervous reaction but rather one of impatience.

"I think for the time being, Rodney, you might want to keep a private journal of the experience to help you…"

Yes, yes, I know, 'process the experience.'" McKay unsuccessfully tried to hide an eyeroll from her. "I think the time would be better spent trying to forget the experience."

Dr. Heightmeyer smiled. She knew that Mckay knew better. She knew that he knew that what he had experienced was a unique and special thing. For two days, he shared consciousness with another living being, something that only happens in movies and on Star Trek. No matter what he said, or how he felt about it, the experience was a part of him now. He wouldn't forget it.

"Besides," McKay sighed. "It's all patchy and jumbled up there. I don't like poking at it."

"Why?"

McKay sighed hugely again. "Because it feels like an invasion of privacy."

"Lt. Cadman didn't seem to feel that way about your thoughts and feelings," Dr. Heightmeyer said casually. She got the reaction she was looking for.

"What? What!" McKay sat up straighter in his seat. "That little…. has been telling you about the things she saw in my head?!"

"Well, not totally," Dr. Heightmeyer admitted. "But she doesn't seem … what word am I looking for… worried about invading your privacy by exploring the residual memory of the experience. I don't think you should be either. It is your memory as much as it is hers. You can keep the journal as private as you wish or share it with Lt. Cadman, if you think you need to."

McKay stopped himself before he could speak again and looked thoughtful for a moment. "Mm, yeah."

"Take your time with it. Don't try to remember it all at once. Memory comes in discrete packets. Just take them and examine them one at a time." Dr. Heightmeyer knew he would at least try it. She could see it in his eyes.

End of Part 1:Memory in discrete packets


	2. The Memory of Smell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: the aftermath of Duet and Laura Cadman's memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta'd. Ask me if I care today. I probably will two days from now, but not today. Feedback? Sure

A journal of observational data on the experience of cerebral sharing by Dr Rodney McKay.

I am very aware of smell. At least I had always thought I was, but during the first twenty four hours of my amalgamated existence with Lt. Laura Cadman, I began to realize that I was not as aware of smell as much as I thought I had been. There are nuances and shades to smell that Cadman seems attuned to on a level that I had never imagined existed. 

People to her were a gestalt of smell, sound and visual effect that colored her perception in separate arenas. If a person looked average, sounded good, but smelled bad (her impression of Zelenka), they were dismissed out of hand. If a person looked good, sounded good but smelled bad, (Her impression of Sheppard), they were given the benefit of the doubt. 

However, her impression of Beckett mystified me. She was obsessed with smelling him. If he got close enough to us, I was often struck with the overwhelming urge to inhale deeply. If it wasn't for the modicum of self-control I still possessed over my own body, I was almost certain she would have had us sniffing him about his legs like an excited cocker spaniel. 

What did we smell? I smelled antibacterial soap. She smelled something that she identified as "maleness." She made me smell it too. Once I found it, I couldn't ignore it. It was a part of my experience of Carson. 

It strange how a smell can illicit a emotional response. For Cadman, there was a pleasure that came from smelling that "maleness" that she actively sought on Carson. For me, there was a comfort in smelling it. It made me calm. It cooled my nerves and actually helped me think straighter. It soothed me. It made me hope. 

I don't know what I hoped for but the feeling was real. It didn't go away. It hasn't gone away. When I get near Carson, I still seek out that smell. It smells salty and I guess musky and a little like rosemary. It still has the power to calm me down. It makes me look into his eyes, and when I look into his eyes, I just know everything will be all right.

It's actually a pleasant side effect. Will I ever tell Carson about it? Doubtful. 

End Part 2: The Memory of Smell


	3. The Memory of Touch

I never discussed with Cadman everything she did with my body that first night she held control of it. She told me that she ran to clear her mind and then returned to her quarters to sleep. I know for a fact that was not all she did. 

I sleep walked through a mile run and that's it? No, I'm sure that wasn't all. My body has always given me little signals, feedback if you will, on what I do or don't do with it. I woke up that morning with my body telling me that my libido had had an airing out. I know she showered before she placed us naked into her bed. At first I found it disconcerting that she would play with my body while I was asleep, but I had to admit, if the positions had been reversed, would I have been able to resist the temptation? 

Most men would not have been able to. After all, Lt Cadman is quite an attractive and physically fit young woman. However, then again, I am not like most men. I'd like to believe that I would have will power enough to resist such a temptation. Nevertheless, in hindsight, I can't really blame Cadman. It is natural to be curious. So I had to conclude that she somehow managed to get sexually excited, achieved an erection in my body, and proceeded to masturbate to relieve it. But how did she get sexually excited? 

When my curiosity about the event was peaked enough, I chose to explore an option suggested to me by Dr. Heightmeyer. Cadman's memories were still very much a part of me, and they were accessible just like subconscious thoughts and dreams. With relaxation and meditation I could achieve a level of self-hypnosis to bring those experiences to the surface. 

I chose a relatively uneventful day when my mind had not been taxed by dealing with people I have to practically lead like kindergartners through engineering 101 to get them to even grasp what I'm talking about. I felt pretty peaceful. It was a good day for meditation. I relaxed in my quarters and let my mind drift. After a while I fell asleep. 

However, when I woke up, I knew what had happened! That little fink went and saw Carson, told him I needed help on my date with Katie Brown! The nerve of that woman! No wonder he was there looking like a deer in the headlights! I knew she invited him, but now I knew her whole motivation. She wants (I assume she still does) in his pants so badly that she was willing to use my body as a prop for her twisted little scheme! I forgave her the kiss, but this! This is a little too far over the line. 

Then she ran because she was all hot and bothered over touching Carson's hand, but she soon discovered that men's bodies don't turn off as easily as women's. She had to deal with what she started. That was when she took the long hot shower. I didn't know Atlantis had that much hot water on reserve. Okay, I know that is a bit of an exaggeration as I do know how the re-cir/re-clam filtration and purification works. Three large eighteen thousand-gallon glass ozonators and 0.2 micron filters backed by high efficiency J type thermocouple, high-pressure boiler system assures Atlantis of hot water on demand… but I digress. 

Well, she plunked us into the shower for a long masturbation session. At first she was a little flustered about what to do. What ever she did in the way of a hand job on her previous boyfriend apparently didn't work on me. I could have told her that I was a ball-play kind of guy, but obviously she didn't want to wake me to ask. 

Once she found the proper touch, she found herself unusually assaulted with ideas about the fantasy. She wanted it about Carson, but she was all too aware of the fact that she had a penis now. Apparently, penises are far better at sexual reception than the female equivalent (the clitoris) which can often be hypersensitive. Cadman's clitoris, unfortunately, falls in this category. Direct touch is uncomfortable. She found my penis a refreshing and enjoyable experience. 

Once she realized what she had, the fantasy changed. It was no longer about what Carson would do to her, but what she could do to Carson in my body. I was assaulted with graphic images of Carson and I engaged in sodomy that at first shocked me speechless. I wasn't sure if I would write this entry after what I experienced in the sudden memory. Nevertheless, I felt it important to record for posterity how this shared memory impacted me. My first instinct was to push it aside, perhaps this is some sort of machismo self-preservation. Having never had any practical use for machismo, I pushed *that* idea aside. 

Cadman seemed quite knowledgeable on sodomy techniques. She spent some time in her fantasy preparing to enter Carson by loosening him up, so to speak. This was a foreplay more foreign to me than what is considered the normal stuff… not that I don't do foreplay. I do. Just don't expect me to perform like a porn star. 

She spent that time getting to know my body and what it likes. By the time she was ready to enter Carson in her fantasy, she had a good working knowledge of what it takes (in physical touch) to get me off. She is a quick study in that area. 

It was a pleasant, long session. She spent a lot of time seeing us slide into Carson's incredibly tight entrance. She could visualize Carson so vividly, every quirk of his expression, every tone and shade of his voice. His body became a paradise. Its imperfection became virtue. 

I saw what she saw. I felt what she felt. I wasn't surprised to find myself hard again as I relived the memory. In her fantasy, Carson yielded willingly, but there was an edge of danger that I could only attribute to Cadman's belief that all men are potentially dangerous. The edge only heightened the pleasure, as unbelievable as that may sound. 

She didn't see herself entering Carson. She saw me. What she saw of me in her mind's eye she echoed on my body: the way my body writhed beneath the pleasure, the every expression on my face, the disjointed moans of pleasure, begging Carson to let us come inside him. 

Incredible as it sounds, even as I record this account, I feel an urge to touch myself again. Okay, strike that. That wasn't necessary, was it? Where was I? Yes, she used the image of me entering Carson. 

I can't seem to get that image to fade. It isn't as unpleasant as one might believe. However, it is NEVER going to happen. 

Ever.

End Part 3. The Memory of Touch


	4. The Memory of Taste

Most of taste is a function of the olfactory. The gustatory system is much simpler than the olfactory system and is therefore a complimentary of it. Thus, in this one regard, I was thankful that Cadman and I saw eye-to-eye on, taste. If the food smelled bad, it was not going in our mouth. That made it very easy for us to navigate around all matters involved in dinning. 

What I found interesting was the fact that she seemed fascinated with the level of acuteness of my taste buds. Of course, taste reception is totally genetic and some people have more taste buds than others. Apparently I have more than she. She experienced chocolate on a whole new level. She loved it. If I had left Cadman in my body, I'm sure my weight would have ballooned up to three hundred pounds in at least six months. 

Fortunately for us, we both also exhibited a healthy amount of self-control over the need for food, although there was a marked increase in our compulsion to eat so-called "comfort foods" possibly due to the stress of our situation. 

Taste was just one thing we held in common, but along that same lines I found her longings for certain taste… interesting, to say the least. I think… no, I know she tasted me. Unusual as it sounds, I know humans are not so far removed from animals that we are not creatures of our senses. We are. Cadman was curious. She brought my body to climax, and, before the shower could wash all the evidence away, she tasted me. She was still thinking of Carson, but she tasted me. 

I'm not Carson and she longed to taste him. That longing is what intrigues me the most. 

The kiss was too fast, too generic, not good enough to taste the man. What lingered on our lips was shock and haste. Now I wish for something more too. I want to know. 

This is probably going to sound utterly twisted in some deep psychological way, but what Cadman left behind in me was her curiosity about Carson Beckett. I want to taste him, smell him, touch him, know him, and understand him. I'm being brutally honest right now and I know I'm a fool for doing so, but there has to be some record of all of this. After all, it is not just for my own psychotherapeutic needs; it is also for further understanding of how such a trauma can affect an individual. 

So, in short, having a woman inside of me literally got me in touch with my feminine side. My feminine side is intrigued with Carson Beckett, and I don't think that is totally an artifact of Cadman. That is an emotion and a memory I don't think I'm ready to probe yet. 

If I do decide to go into it, I don't think I will be recording it for posterity. As much as I would wish to share the whole of my inner soul with future generations in the hopes that I can illuminate them on the subject of leadership during difficulty, I really don't think all of that would be of any service to anyone. 

Suffice it to say, my body was meant for single occupancy only. 

End part 4: Memory of Taste.


End file.
